The moment I saw those two pink lines, my world turned upside down. I had just gotten married. I had just accepted that motherhood probably wasn’t in the cards for me. I had built a career, traveled the world, and cultivated a life I was proud of. And yet, here I was, on my honeymoon, staring at a positive pregnancy test.

There are definitely pros and cons of having a baby in your 40s. It’s a whole different world from the one my friends experienced having kids in their 20s and early 30s. Here’s the good, the bad, and the ugly of having a baby when you are of “advanced maternal age”.

The Pros of Having a Baby in Your 40s: Wisdom, Stability, and Self-Awareness

While the medical world might focus on the risk factors, there truly are advantages to becoming a mom when you have a little more life under your belt.

You Are More Financially Stable

By my 40s, I’d had two decades to build my career. I was much more financially stable than when I was in my 20s. That meant I didn’t have to deal with the money stress that younger moms often face. I could also use money as a tool to help me adjust to motherhood. I was able to get help from a nanny and a night nurse to get me through those brutal first few months. This greater stability helped me make time for myself and my needs, and find a way to reach my goals, all while figuring out how to juggle all my new responsibilities as a mom.

You Know Yourself Better

The person you are in your 40s is usually pretty different from who you were in your 20s. You’ve navigated friendships, career changes, and personal challenges. I mean I’ve been through marriage, 2 divorces, and lawsuits since my 20s! I am much more confident in myself, my wants, needs, and values than I was when I was younger.

I got so much unsolicited advice before my daughter was even born. My confidence helped me trust my instincts and set boundaries with the people who weren’t really supporting me with their “tips”. That self awareness also helped me recognize that I was battling postpartum depression while it was still in the early stages. I was able to recognize the warning signs much sooner because I am so in-tune with what is normal for me and what isn’t.

You Have a More Realistic Perspective

When I was trying to get pregnant, I’ll be honest, there were a lot of tears and frustration. At the same time though, I was able to keep things in perspective. I knew I didn’t want to do fertility treatments. I wanted to get pregnant naturally and if that didn’t happen, I was ready to accept that being a mom wasn’t for me. I’m not sure if I would have had that certainty when I was in my 20s.

When a successful pregnancy happened in the moment we least expected it, I was able to go with the flow and accept that what was meant to happen would happen. I know that what is for me won’t miss me. I can trust the process.

Sure, I still get frustrated when the baby won’t sleep or when I can’t figure out why she is crying. I’ve also been through enough to know that most problems are temporary. This is a season. I will get through it and it will be worth it.

It Might Be Good For You!

There was a study done back in 2016 that found that women who had a baby after 35 had better memories, attention control, and problem solving at an older age. There are other studies that have shown that having a baby later in life can delay menopause. So, even though the doctors will tell you all about the risk factors, there might be some hidden health perks in there too.

The Cons of Advanced Maternal Age: Physical Realities and Social Shifts

I’m no fertility expert but I’ve learned a thing or two about the risks of getting pregnant and giving birth at an older age. If you want to get pregnant in your 40s, you might run into some speed bumps along the journey. I’m not trying to be a downer, just authentic. I think that knowing what to expect is the first step to making solid decisions and preparing for obstacles that might come up. So, here’s everything you should know about having a baby in your 40s:

There Are Increased Health Risks

My doctor was very blunt about the increased risks that come with a “geriatric pregnancy.” I learned that the older you are, the older your eggs are. That can make it harder to get pregnant. Older eggs are also more likely to have chromosomal abnormalities, which is the leading cause of miscarriage.

I guess that explains why it took me three long years to get pregnant, even with all the prenatal vitamins, healthy diet, and exercise!

When you do get pregnant in your 40’s, there is a higher risk of pregnancy complications, like ectopic pregnancy, gestational diabetes, and genetic defects.

But, don’t let the pregnancy risks talk you out of your dream. Everything in life comes with risk! You can do genetic testing, and even egg and sperm quality testing, to find out the likelihood of some of those risks.

Can you have a healthy baby at 40?

Of course! I am living proof. Many women have healthy pregnancies at an advanced age. I had a beautiful pregnancy. Even during the first trimester, I was still working out and eating well. I was literally glowing the entire time and had zero complications during my pregnancy or birth. It was amazing.

The Physical Toll is Different

Pregnancy and parenting are HARD WORK. I am in great shape but it still wears me out! Although I am sure pregnancy and motherhood are physically demanding at any age, I think you feel it a little more in your 40s. That is why prioritizing your own health, nutrition, exercise, and rest are non-negotiable for older moms.

Navigating The Generational Gap

You might find yourself in a different social circle than other new moms. While your friends are talking about sending their kids off to college, you’re still lugging around the diaper bag with spit up on your shoulder. This can sometimes feel isolating. At the same time, there is value in having a bunch of friends who have been there, done that. Having a community of other women to help you navigate motherhood, no matter what phase of life you are in, is super important. None of us were meant to do this all alone.

Tips for Women Who Want to Get Pregnant in their 40s

Since I’ve been sharing this piece of my journey, I get a lot of DMs asking me for tips to get pregnant in your 40s. I’m no fertility expert but here are a few things I’ve learned that might help:

1. Prioritize Your Health: Your body is always your most important asset but if you want to get pregnant it becomes even more important. Focus on fueling your body with the right foods, stay active in a way that feels good, and get enough rest. Not just while you are trying to get pregnant but during pregnancy and postpartum too!
2. Embrace Your Experience: Don’t let anyone make you feel “too old.” You get to live life on your terms. No one else can tell you when you have to do things. You bring a level of wisdom, patience, and stability to parenting that is truly valuable. Own it with confidence.
3. Have Open Conversations with Your Partner: Midlife parenting can put a new kind of strain on a relationship. I mean, it has likely been just the two of you for a while! Be open about your fears, expectations, and needs throughout the process. Having a baby is a big adjustment for both of you. Find ways to support one another along the way.

The Reality: It’s Messy, Beautiful, and Worth It

Having a baby in my 40s has been the most challenging and rewarding experience of my life. Some days, I am exhausted and wonder what I was thinking. Other days, I look at my child and feel a love so deep I can’t even describe it.

The reality is that there is no “perfect” age to become a mother. Each stage of life offers its own set of pros and cons. Motherhood in your 40s is a journey of rediscovery. You are not just raising a child; you are redefining who you are. It’s a beautiful, sometimes chaotic, transformation.

If you are on this path, know that you are not alone. You have the strength, wisdom, and resilience to be an incredible mother. Embrace the journey, and give yourself grace along the way.