I have to be honest, I am feeling disappointed and fearful. I’ve been trying to get pregnant for several months now and it’s just not happening. To top things off, this month my period was 8 days late! I thought for sure I was pregnant because my cycle is normally very regular but it came Saturday morning. The very morning I was scheduled to coach soccer with a bunch of kids and be around lots of moms.
I have to be real, it made me feel bitter to see other women walking in with three kids plus another in the oven. I was like, “What’s wrong with me? Am I just too old (I am 38)? Did I wait too long? I am so healthy and it’s been 4 months!” It feels like everyone I know got pregnant on their first try and social media makes it look SUPER easy. I even started to feel bitterness towards my fiance because I tried to have kids with him at 30 and 35 years old but he wasn’t ready. I just felt bombarded by emotions this past weekend.
So what did I do? I sat with my feelings of discomfort and started praying. Soon after my prayer meditation I heard God tell me it’s not Michael you are mad at, it’s me and my Universe. It quickly hit me that it was so true. If I know for a fact the Universe’s time is impeccable, how dare I doubt the timing and the process. Faith took the place of fear at that moment. When I look back at my life, God has always known what is good for me and when it’s good for me. And God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.
In reality, baby making is 10-20% science and the rest is God. I can do my part but in the end I just have to trust and realize that I can’t make a baby happen. I also know that I don’t want to force it. Nothing that I have forced in life has ended up being good for me.
I also realized just how much my stress level had been affecting my body. I have been in the middle of a stressful lawsuit for the past year and things got even more intense last month. Since my period was late, I knew that my mind and my body were both feeling the stress. So, instead of focusing on why I am not pregnant yet, I decided to focus on managing the stress and fear of not getting pregnant right away. Here is what I’ve been doing:
You know that one would be on the list, didn’t you? I have started working out every morning for at least 15-20 mins on my Peloton.
I have also been reading the Bible and praying more as a way to regulate my thoughts.
I saw my doctor to take away any doubts of my hormones being unbalanced or having thyroid issues. The good news is, I am as healthy as can be. The bad news is, the doctor told me it is common for it to take 6-12 months to get pregnant.
Sometimes, trying to get pregnant can strain relationships. You both really want it to happen and you both feel disappointment when it doesn’t. So we gave ourselves permission to take a break and just have fun together. We tried not to focus on baby-making or baby anything and just enjoy each other.
For years, my therapist has been teaching me cognitive reframing. Basically, cognitive reframing means that when I change my thoughts, that changes my reality and my feelings towards a situation. Our thoughts and feelings are magnetic to the physical world and are constantly restructuring how our brains process information.
That means, my thoughts have the power to increase or decrease my stress and I hold the power to choose what thoughts to focus on. I am the only person in charge of my thoughts and feelings. If I choose to focus on positive messages, my brain will start to see a more positive world. If I focus on the worries and fears, all of life will start to feel overwhelming. So, instead of poisoning my mind with fearful ideas of what it might not be able to do, I use auto suggestion to replace the negative thoughts with positive ones. No thought can enter the subconscious without the aid of auto(self) suggestion. Your subconscious mind acts only upon repetitive thoughts. I replace my fears about not getting pregnant with repeating phrases like:
I am even trying to get away from saying “I’m trying to get pregnant” because that makes it sound like a goal I have to work for, to “I am open to getting pregnant”. Believe it or not, the small shifts we make in our thoughts can make a big impact in our mind and ultimately affect our lives.
I want to have a baby…really, really badly. But I’m working on getting to a place where I don’t have to live in fear of the what ifs. You know… What if it doesn’t happen? What if I can’t conceive naturally? What if I wasn’t meant to have kids? I want to be able to confidently answer all of those what ifs with: “Then I’ll be OK”. I’m not there yet but I’m going to keep working on it. Again, this isn’t because I don’t think it will happen. I’ve learned that part of loosening my grip on my plans is being open to whatever the future holds. A big part of having faith is knowing it will all turn out the way it is meant to.
I never planned to be a YouTuber or an influencer. I never imagined getting engaged to my ex ten years after we got divorced. Yet, I wouldn’t trade either of those things for the world and I probably wouldn’t have one without the other. We may not get exactly what we want but we will always get to exactly where we need to be.
Throughout this journey, I have been reading a lot about preparing my body for pregnancy, how to get pregnant, and other related topics. Now, it is time to focus on nourishing my mind and filling it with positive thoughts. We need to feed our mind positivity in order for it to produce positive thinking. Here are some of my favorite books that help transform my mind:
If you need more ideas for how to take care of yourself and show your body extra love while trying to get pregnant being open to getting pregnant, this post is full of self care ideas.
The journey of life is hard. It has more twists and turns than any of us want but in the end, no matter how it turns out, we will be OK.
If you are struggling with the stress and fear of not getting pregnant right away, be sure to subscribe to my YouTube channel so that we can walk through this journey together. Remember my friend, your body is amazing. It is capable of creating a miracle.